Should I publicly shame them for the affair?

The availability of technology and the ease of uploading videos bring new challenges to couples facing the trauma of cheating. In previous years, private detectives would take photos or videos of cheaters and them share them with the spouse who hired them. These photos were embarrassing and incriminating.

Now that cell phones take video and cameras are very small, taking videos of cheaters is much easier. Not only is it easier, the videos can be uploaded to public sites and distributed to acquaintances easily. The ease of use brings the danger of shaming on a public basis. Rather than using rumors to bring shame, now you can email a video to your pastor or cheater’s boss with just a few clicks. This ease of shaming raises serious concerns for the relationship.

Although you may feel justified in shaming your spouse, have you considered the long term consequences? Material posted on the internet stays around and is archived. Even material that you may take down from a site has likely been recorded at another location. The material has a long tail that can follow a person for a lifetime.

In previous generations, after an episode was exposed and dealt with, it was over. In today’s world, you can not escape a public shaming. The shaming carries with it a ripple effect. It impacts you, your children, and your family. You may temporarily feel good about humiliating them, but the damage will not end after they repent and the relationship is restored. Because the cheating video is on the sites, it is up for the world to see, snicker and laugh at. Long after an affair is over, people will still snicker at what occurred.
The shaming may allow you to vent your anger, but it also creates a permanent record. Any future employers can find the video. It damages reputations long after the even has ended. Although the event is over, the embarrassment remains. It uses an electronic permanent marker that stains your spouse. It takes your private business and allows the world into your life. What should have been handled privately is not a global event.

Although it can be done, it is not something that should be done. In previous generations, a person could move to a new town and start their lives over. With the advent of the internet, that is not so easy. Any hopes of having a ‘fresh’ start will be stained by the video you uploaded to YouTube in your anger.