Who Should Make the First Move?

Affairs often bring out the childish parts of people and their personalities. One of the children’s games which couples resort to is “They have to make the first move”. In this game, the parties keep a tense status quo in their relationship, while each waits on the other to make the first move. During this time, the tension is very high as each spouse waits on the other.

With such a ‘stand off’, each party often justifies their position by emphasizing their innocence and the wrongs that were done to them. Both sides want to play the role of the ‘victim’. In situations where they focus on the wrongs they endured, they attempt taking the moral high ground through maintaining self-righteous positions. They may even bring religion or preachers into the situation in order to prove they are the one that is ‘right’. They believe that they are in the ‘right’, refusing to make the first move. They often use scripture to justify their position and make them feel good about what they have done. Such actions are a misuse of scripture.
You may very well be right on the morality of what occurred, yet be wrong on the attitude you are using in dealing with matters.

By insisting that you are ‘right’ and they are ‘wrong’ you may be alienating them from ever wanting to draw close to you in the future. When you make it painful for them to be close to you, they will resist any future intimacy.

The saying “You can be right or be in relationship” holds the key to these situations. They can spend their energy maintaining their rightness or do what it takes to repair the relationship and improve their marriage. Which do you want to be —being ‘right’ or being back in relationship with your spouse?